Obsessive, Intrusive, Magical Thinking: A Life Lived Obsessively

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Obsessive, Intrusive, Magical Thinking may not be the pendulum shift for a literature of obsession, but it’s a touching and often well-wrought entry into the terrain. It was well-written, it could have been more structured at times (it is biographical and I found some elements confusing at times, getting mixed up between boyfriends for example). Its tacky shorthands – the hand washing, the germaphobia, the clean freaks – have made their way into everything, from Buzzfeed listicles to The Big Bang Theory. I enjoyed the fact it wasn't all gloomy - her obsessions make her incredibly anxious, but they also make her very focused and determined to follow the healthier ones.

I found a lot of things to relate but mostly what struck me is how different neurodivergent brains manifest and how the way we grow up shapes the experience again. I liked the fact that she doesn't only explain how her OCD diagnosis (and her autism, but the essays focus more on the obsessive compulsive thoughts) affects her, she also shares her obsessions, lovingly writing about her favourite rides and her favourite parts of LA, her regular trips to California. What that means changes day to day, depending on what her brain latches onto: fixations with certain topics, intrusive violent thoughts, looping phrases.

i didn’t realise it was just a memoir in which the author recounts (a lot of actually quite unrelatable) times in her life such as countless days spent at disney world etc etc, as these are her obsessions.

While she claims “it’s impossible to gracefully tell the story of obsession”, the pull of “grace” is everywhere in the book, as struggle gives way to the inevitable triumph of wellness: the mental health epiphany. The author has an incredibly engaging writing style, which I enjoyed, but I found myself feeling like the story was cyclical. I’m not a fan of a lot of the physical problems , like issues with my joints or stomach , that come with being autistic, either.Purely because when I read I want to get lost in the world of the book and not be reminded of real life, which is my own personal preferences! Amongst them is the way the matrix of obsession, compulsion and intrusion represents an exaggeration of conventional anxieties. It felt as though the author had just copy/pasted certain passages about the same thing in multiple chapters and although this repetition is quite fitting for the subject material, it just doesn’t make for a great read. I recognised a lot of myself in these essays - a deep commitment to vegetarianism, a grocery list of sensory issues, a brain that tells you you are responsible for everything around you and should you stop doing or not doing things Bad Things Will Happen. I liked how relatable the narrator was and the way OCD and Autism are discussed in a much broader sense than what we usually see in media.

This memoir was ultimately less a memoir of her life and more a memoir of her brain and thought patterns. That said, I was surprised by how well she made such niche, personal, specific experiences feel relatable and general. I read it in one go and would highly recommend it to everyone, not only to those with autism/OCD or those trying to understand these conditions. Publishers Weekly * There are several shrewd observations made within this lucid and level-headed memoir. I did struggle with whether or not I like the form, having never read an essay format memoir (as opposed to a chronological memoir).The first essay in particular, 'I am old now, but I wasn't then,' is a work of art, but in general, I loved going down the rabbit hole of Marianne's obsessions, her observations on pop culture and the tales of her travels as each essay unfolded. Having followed Marianne Eloise on Twitter for years now, I was delighted to hear she’d written a book, and it did not disappoint.